Witchful Thinking: A Jolie Wilkins Novel by H. P. Mallory

Author:H. P. Mallory
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
ISBN: 9780345531551
Publisher: Bantam Books
Published: 2012-02-28T05:00:00+00:00

JOURNAL ENTRY

I’ve had a rough last couple of days, Diary, and it has everything to do with Rand’s reaction to our bonding news. And to make matters worse, I haven’t talked to him since that night. Sure, we’ve seen each other, but Rand is formal and stiff, and since Mercedes is always with us I can never get any alone time with him. But that’s only part of my rough last couple of days. The other part is the fact that I actually haven’t been able to reanimate anyone else since Klaasje. It’s almost like whatever ability I had is exhausted, gone. Mercedes and Rand have been patient with me but I can see the distress and worry in their eyes—which, really, is nothing next to my own sense of foreboding. What changed? What happened between the last time I was able to perform and now? The only thing I keep returning to is that strange dream-vision I had of the devastation at Lurker hands and that empty throne. What if something happened to me when I had that vision? What if somehow, that vision was more than just a vision and it emptied me of my abilities?

Mercedes didn’t seem to think that was the case but she also didn’t seem to have a plausible reason as to why I’ve failed in my abilities. She charmed me with a relaxation spell, something meant to release all my internal stress, but so far I don’t feel as if it’s done anything for me, really. I guess the true test will be when we attempt reanimations again, something that will happen in the near future. But for right now, I have some well-deserved time off.

Since my life completely sucks lately, I was actually pleased when Mercedes approached me this morning and told me we needed to start searching for my permanent home. Although I hadn’t previously embraced the idea of moving away from Pelham Manor, given recent events I think it’s the best freaking idea I’ve heard in a long time.

What it comes down to is that I need to stand on my own two feet—I need to step out from underneath Rand’s shadow and be the independent woman I know I am and the sovereign woman I have to be as Queen. I have to follow Mercedes’ example and set my own personal heartache aside in order to focus on uniting our species and building a kingdom. I have a destiny, a fate, and that is what will see me through this pain and misery. What I feel in the bottom of my heart is that Rand and I won’t be able to fix things … or maybe that’s just me feeling sorry for myself, I don’t know. I just can’t help but wonder if maybe I was wrong all along and we aren’t meant to be together. Maybe the path I am meant to walk will take me in a completely different direction, a direction away from Rand … It’s a thought that feels like acid eating me from the inside out.

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